Thomas Mars has this something appealing that’s so rare not every guy’s lucky enough to have. Handsome in uncommon way. You know, my type.

THIS. IS. SO. ME.

the biggest fear number two

So here I am again. Still on the same shit.

Time flies so fast I didn’t realize I’ve reached the age of the level of choosing my own path, or whatever you call it but I’ve just been faced to some hard choices. The hardest one, that not only involve my own self, but also the other people in my life. It might not be the best decision but I can’t see there’s another way better. I will probably disappoint some people and they might be mad at me based on one sided assumptions. There won’t be me in any pictures that will be taken no matter how important my existence is. That important existence that I have never felt cause he’s never given enough effort to let me feel.

Despite of his feeling, I have chosen some other things. The things as excuses to skip the moment I don’t want to get involved. A moment of happiness that’s not supposed to be shared with me. If there was a doubt in my mind that almost made me go to the contrary, it’s definitely not for his sake. It’s for the people around who have showed me care more than he does. The people that have been reasons why he still makes contact with me until now. And also be the reasons for me to still see him as a part of my history. And as his life is going to be renewed, I see the images ahead of both our days that will never be the same anymore. The different ways of us that have actually started since years ago and that moment of this morning event is a clear statement to make up my mind and face the upcoming days.

I might have been forgotten to him, but I won’t stop my effort to pay my mistakes I made for the sake of the loving people that had gone away and will never be back. And for those whom I will be thankful for the care and effort to make me still remember myself as a part of the root.

I can’t come to the wedding. It doesn’t matter if there won’t be any invitation in the future because of this rudeness. Just don’t hate me.